In Pursuit of Happiness

All through the year happiness is what we are pursuing by making resolutions, promises, changes and improvements.

While people and society have conditioned us to veer away from thought of putting ourselves first, the idea I am trying to put forth is why and how to do it in moderation while not being a selfless halfwit all the time.

Setting boundaries, saying no, tending to your well-being so you can function better and help others, preventing burnout and resentment is what selfishness looks like in moderation.

If you want to ensure your mental wellbeing, you have to focus on the present and cut off the noise. I intend to share some of my own mantras and observations as we head into 2026.

We always talk about achieving main character energy, wouldn’t the crowd be disappointed if the main character isn’t trying to be happy? We can’t let them be disappointed we have to ensure our own happiness.

Your Happiness First

I have felt the difference in my state of wellbeing and happiness by taking care of myself first, which then gives me a chance to look after others’ happiness.

While writing this blog, I came across an article with similar ideas. The major highlight was that we should always be filling our own cup of happiness first so that others can benefit from the overflow.

You beyond society and your family have a responsibility to take care of your happiness first, to Pay Yourself First. There may be people in your life who want to see you happy. But you have to internalize happiness rather than looking for it on the outskirts of your control.

If your happiness depends on actions of others, then you are at mercy of things that you can’t control.

My father always tries to take responsibility for everyone’s happiness in our family but I have tried to make him understand that:

• You can’t make others happy if you yourself aren’t happy
• You can’t make others happy if they themselves aren’t actively trying to be happy

So what’s left? Just be happy and try to share that happiness without worrying about if it will actually make a difference for others or not.

Putting yourself first isn’t about being mean or inconsiderate. It’s only about self-preservation. And the first tool in this pursuit? Learning to say no.

Saying No!

It’s the most sought-after word, yet we’re prevented from speaking it out loud.

Saying no is the way to set boundaries and being in control of your life. People will always be pushing more work, more responsibilities, more troubles, more of everything to you.

If you are happy, then go ahead, but take a beat: is this something that you want more in your life?

My friends are tired of listening to me saying no all the time when they want to play badminton late in the evening or head out to Bengaluru’s nightclub. I am an early sleeper mostly unwilling to distort my routine.

It goes without saying I occasionally say yes, even to activities that distort my routine or aren’t as lucrative to me, just for my friends. It’s fun being with people and putting your needs behind sometimes.

By saying no sometimes you prevent yourself from the exhaustion of always putting others first. Constantly putting others first will only deplete you until you have nothing more left to give.

Focusing on present

Stop worrying so much about the future which is still in flux, very much unclear and uncertain. Most of us are using the present to think about what occurred in the past and what might happen in the future.

We all should focus on making ourselves happy today, not tomorrow, not after your next promotion, big switch, selection in an Ivy League university-it has to be today!

The more you delay your happiness the more chances are there that you will forget that you were even chasing it in the first place. Everything we are going through was just to be happy.

Having gone through a near-death experience I have stopped worrying and planning too far in the future because life is so uncertain.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have long term goals or grind to achieve them. The only thing is at times you should pause to enjoy the present while working towards the future and learning from the past.

In his essay On the Shortness of Life, Seneca argued that life is long enough if you know how to use it, but most people waste it by “planning” for a future they may never reach.

What will people say?

We worry so much about what others would think of us. How will society be looking down on us? In those moments it’s good to remind ourselves that everyone is so busy with their own life that they hardly have time to ponder on judging decisions others are making.

Yes, they might say one or two sentences but the constant stream of thoughts we overload our brain with is never the actual situation.

We all give too much importance to our own existence. We are our biggest critic.

We’ll always be brave in someone’s mind and coward in another’s, strong to one and fragile to another, good to one and terrible to another. We will be seen as comforting to one and annoying to another.

Some will feel anxious around us and some will find peace in our company. Some will see us as too much while others will see us as a gift.

The world will look at us from their subjective point of view. The world is never going to agree on a definition of who we are. So we might as well live the way that feels true to our heart.

Show people who you really are-that is the only way of finding your true calling and people who actually value you. Hiding and lying just because someone prefers a different version of reality will only guilt-trip you into thinking that there is something wrong with your actions.

Limited Control

I believe with our actions we can only control as much as 1/3rd of our life. The rest is governed by luck and grace.

The idea that we control much of our lives forces us to blame ourselves hard when things don’t go the way we wanted them to go. Whereas knowing that we can’t control our luck relieves us of the guilt.

We can reduce the pressure on ourselves and others knowing that relationships end even after 9 years, people get laid off after promotions and accidents happen all the time.

Knowing we barely control things can be scary too. The only remedy to fear is positive action and intent. These are the only two things we control. Positive action and intent is something that will help you in dealing with bad times knowing you are still treading on the right path and because trying is beautiful

I won’t blame myself for my accident, nobody will but the fear of another such accident won’t stop me from chasing happiness that I get to experience in the embrace of the Himalayas. I do take better safety measures while traveling now though.

Conclusion

That’s been my time, folks. I hope my ideas coupled with anecdotes and quotes give you a way forward to be happier in the present and less worried.

The one thing I didn’t try to cover much here is dealing with “everyone looks so happy on social media…because it is social media”, I have extensively covered it in Scrolling Ourselves to Death.

Selfishness in moderation is totally fine. Wear that as a badge of honor that you are aware of how to take care of yourself. I know it’s always easier said than done but give it some try.

Thanks for reading, this was supposed to be my last blog of the year but ended up being first of the year. I hope you ended your year on a high note and are starting with even more energy.

A very Happy New Year from me and mine to you and yours!

Cover Photo by Zhuo Cheng you.